The Barney Stinson Sweet Spot Theory

Written by on April 26, 2016

"Big Days" -- When Ted and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) argue about who has "dibs" on a hot girl, Ted realizes that she is there with Cindy, a girl he previously dated, on the sixth season premiere of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, Monday, September 20 (8:00-8:30 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.   Photo: Eric McCandless/FOX ©2010 Fox Television. All Rights Reserved.

Did I ever tell you all about what I like to call The Barney Stinson Sweet Spot Theory? After years of writing articles,  I can’t recall everything I wrote and I said to myself… “Self… why don’t you tell the readers about your Barney Stinson Sweet Spot Theory? It will surely make for great water cooler discussion.”

If you are familiar with the show How I Met Your Mother you know exactly who I am talking about when I say, Barney Stinson. For those of you who don’t know, he was a single man who was a womanizer for much of the series. He dated them all from college beauties to women who were three weeks from retirement. It didn’t matter. If he found them attractive or a “challenge” Barney was all in. To a certain extent this theory was named after him. Not exactly for the womanizing ways, (We don’t condone womanizing here at UML. So save the patriarchy protesting) but more for the freedom to date women up and down the spectrum. That freedom leads to something called The Sweet Spot.

The Sweet Spot for a man is the time in which we can date mothers and their daughters without the risk of looking creepy. Although the time-frame doesn’t have a clear defined start it happens somewhere around a gentlemen’s 35th birthday and lasts for about 10-15 years give or take a few years. However, as you move up on the Sweet Spot scale, your daughters have to move up in age. You have to keep it proportional or else you run the risk of looking like a grandfather taking his granddaughter out for a sip of coffee. Not a good look.

What makes the Sweet Spot such a beautiful experience? Well for starters if you play it right the women you date have a no commitment clause. The younger ones typically just want the getaway you provide from the pants sagging, baseball cap wearing 24/7 cats they run with. You are that mature man who “gets” them. A bottomless cup for them to pour life’s troubles into. All you have to do is nod occasionally and say “yeah, I understand!” You provide a spot to crash that doesn’t look like a college dorm room. They see the art on the wall and books on the shelf they know you are a mature old dude. Hell take them out for a little hookah and go listen to a jazz band, and you will look like George Clooney/Denzel Washington to them.

For the older women, the cougars if you will, you are nothing more than an after dinner snack. Someone they can use to get their all-important groove back. There usually isn’t any financial responsibility involved with them. Half the time you are just a place holder until the next younger dude comes along. So all you have to do is enjoy the ride and not blow up the spot with the when can I see you again texts. Don’t be that dude. Nobody appreciates a Sweet Spotter who is a sweater.

I know your next question is why don’t these gentlemen date women their own age? It could be multiple reasons why Sweet Spotters don’t date women closer to their age. One important thing to factor in is the baby clock. If a man dates a lady who has no children and is in their 30s, every other sentence tends to be about the ticking clock.

Example A

Her: “you wanna go to the play?”

Me: “I don’t know, what is it about?”

Her: “A lady who needs to hurry up and get married because her clock is ticking!”

Me: ……..

 

Example B

Me: “This is a nice day, wanna go for a drive?”

Her: “Sure, you know my clock is ticking!”

Me: ………

That constant stress can be a bit overwhelming to a dude who just wants to simply enjoy the time at hand. And those relationships usually end in either marriage or heartbreaks. So for those cats the Sweet Spot route is the safe way to go. If played correctly all members at the end of the day ride off into their respective sunsets.

However, at some point, I suppose you want to settle down and wife a nice lady. I mean even George Clooney jumped the broom once the music stopped. You don’t want to be that cat in his 50s with nowhere to go on the holidays. That could make for a sad conclusion to a beautiful movie. Once the curtain falls even Barney Stinson wanted a happily ever after.


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