This Is a Man’s World

Written by on November 10, 2015

In the recent months, I have really been considering the roles of men and women in relationships. More than that, I have become seemingly obsessed with how the trajectory has changed in the roles that our great-grandparents and grandparents have played in relationships and how that defined family as opposed to the roles in modern day society and the quickly dissipating value of family.

Of course when I think of my maternal great grand parents and grandparents, I can say that I am proud to come from that stock. My maternal great grandparents were both married to only one spouse and raised their children together as a family. One set of grandparents had 16 children, while the other only had 3 children.  They stayed together and remained married even into the stages of their transition from this life into the next.

Now to look at my mother’s parents, they were married for 50 years before my grandfather passed away last October. He’d been the only man my grandmother had ever been with since she was sixteen years old. Together they raised three children.

Today, that seems to be unheard of. Marriage has seemed to lose its meaning while there has been a spike in the cost of weddings. Ironically enough, there has been a spike in the divorce rates as well.

In my research and casual observation of marriages (primarily through social media, because let’s face it, it isn’t validated unless social media approves it with likes and shares, right?); and what I have found is that people have become well versed in being the cutest couple by way of Man Crush Monday, Woman Crush Wednesday, overly shared photos in addition to having the most extravagant wedding and reception. This leaves me wondering; how many people are really going into marriage with a precise understanding of what marriage really means?

Let’s dig a little deeper. When you think of the role of father for his family, he is a provider, protector, visionary and is responsible for leading the household in the direction that best suits the intended goal for the family. When it comes to his children, he is their teacher, while the mother is also a teacher, her primary role is that of a nurturer. She supports her husband’s vision and is pliable enough to insure that she is in alignment with her husband’s God given vision in order for it come into fruition.

Now to take it a step further, when we think of a wedding ceremony, it is customary for the father to give his daughter away to the groom. What that symbolizes is that the father is handing over the responsibility of being a provider, protector, visionary and teacher to the groom, who is now being placed in a leadership role over the his new bride. However, if the roles are never understood and different ideas from outside influences are added to the mix, it is no wonder the divorce rates are so high and the longevity and commitment of relationships are null and void.

Look at it this way, when you are hired for a position within a company, you are made aware of your job duties and responsibilities. If you are hired to sort mail, you have no business interfering in the day to day operations of building maintenance, right? So it is with marriage, if you are purposed to be the leader, then lead. If you are purposed as the supporting role, then do that.  Submission has been a big issue in a lot of failed marriages because the roles have not been defined and made clear. A question I often pose is how possible is it for a woman who never had a father to submit to her husband? More than that, how possible is it for a man to lead who has never been led? Well, when you understood your roles and purpose for your relationship, you began to seek the knowledge to perform your best in those roles. Again, to use the analogy of the mail sorter, in order to be qualified, one must have some experience sorting mail. Depending on how much experience has been acquired up until this point, additional training may be required. With regard to marriage, previous relationships can be considered qualifying experience. However, the additional training comes into place through one’s own personal development and growth, marriage counselling and having conversations with your spouse (or future spouse) to make it clear what the expectations are and how to meet each other’s requirements. These are all things that help. Ladies, whether we want to admit it or not, men have been purposed to lead. As much as you may want to keep reciting your “independent diva” mantras to yourself, that won’t get you the leadership that you desire, if you truly desire the right leadership. I am in no way implying that while you are single that you shouldn’t be pouring your all into yourself, your individual purpose and aspirations. In order to be an asset to your mate as opposed to a liability, you want to present your best self (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically and financially). To add to that, if you desire to be a wife (that is what you were created to be for the man, by the way) you also want to start getting yourself domesticated prior to becoming a wife. Learn to listen and be quiet. Learn how to clean your house. I’ve heard it said many times that marriage is all about servitude.  Adapt a mindset to serve others, show more humility. If your husband isn’t being the best leader for whatever reason, you STILL have to be submissive and do your role. If your supervisor on your job starts slacking, you’re not going to stop doing the job you were hired to do, right? Again, so it is with marriage. God is looking at YOUR works, be accountable for you. Whether the issue is you or your mate, you will only be accountable for your part. Ladies, it is not our jobs to chastise our husbands or correct them, that is God’s job. Submission is ducking so that God can slap your husband upside the head! Be the best wife you can be and you will have the husband you desire. When the Queen is ready, the King will appear. Allow me to leave you with these wise words:

“This is a man’s world,

But it would be nothing, nothing

Not one little thing,

Without a woman or a girl”

-James Brown


Peace love and light, BeYoutiful people,

Tiana Marshe’

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