I know, I know, the headline is cliche’, and the topic has been beaten into the ground, but the conversation continues to intrigue every woman I have ever met. Almost to the point of wondering if there is an answer that any woman will really accept, or truly consider for the purpose of enhancing their understanding and improving their relationships.

With Tiger’s issues hanging in the air and raising the hairs on the neck of every scorned woman, the conversation seems to be more popular than ever. I considered not even gracing the UML pages with the topic….but, alas, I have relented. After all, I make sense every once in a while, and my opinion’s as valid as anybody else’s 🙂

My take is this:

Any man with any level of drive and swagg has on his list of needs…..a woman. Not only a woman, but a woman that he feels proud to have on his arm. A man will spend years of his life honing the swagg needed to attract….and keep that woman. In the process, he will also nurture his competitive and dominant nature, and grow the confidence necessary to go along with the perfect words, well-rounded wardrobe, and individuality to go in his swagg bag. How will he do this….he will pursue relentlessly, and fail….until he succeeds. My guess is that the average Alpha male that exudes all that confidence and sexiness that women love and want, and has the wisdom to recognize, woo, and keep his Queen, will have exercised his “gift” thousands of times. He will have learned to shrug off the failures, and revel in the victories. He will have done it so much, that it will have become second nature.

After years of conquest, and thriving on the energy it creates, it will become a part of him; as much as a wild feline embodies the hunt and hones instincts that can’t be bred out of them even after hundreds of years of domestication. In house cats we recognize this instinct, and purchase toys and gadgets that allow that animal to exercise those instincts out of respect for the fact that is a “necessary” part of its identity. A man, even after finding that Queen, and domesticating himself, will still experience that need for conquest. Yet we expect that man to rationalize his way through those instincts. We chastise him if the urge to conquer doesn’t immediately subside when he makes his vows, yet we continue to measure him by his virility and ability to be successfully competitive. A man who loses that, may very well lose his Queen….or have his manhood questioned in “gatherings of the female mind”.

The very things that women are drawn to in a man, are the very things they want to drive from him once they have him,  so that they can feel as if they possess him.

A man cheats, not because he doesn’t love his Queen, or even because he’s not content with what she provides, but because he instinctively crave the rush that comes from the conquest. It’s a domain in which he can be successful, on his terms, and be rewarded; almost regardless of all other challenges in life. Even if  he’s not successful at work, or the best father he wanted to be, or even the best man he wants to be, in that moment of pursuit, interaction, exchange of energy and test of wills….his victory will rely on none of these things. And that woman’s choice to yield and surrender all that she is, will be reward enough….if only for a moment.

Tell me what you think Moguls? Comments welcome….

Enjoy,

Ibedubl


Reader's opinions
  1. ory o women vvhcheatt. yet yyoyyoyoiyour   On   December 17, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    So its the thrill of the hunt? Is this what you all would like women to accept and believe? I would love hear your take or better thepn why

  2. ibedubl   On   December 17, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    It’s not about accepting or believing it. It’s about using the insight provided by different perspectives to help you understand what may be going on. I’ll be the last one to tell someone what they have to “put up” with, but if my theory is correct, it would tell a woman what type of approach she needs to take when choosing a partner in a relationship. I appreciate your comment.

  3. Romaine   On   December 17, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    That is an intresting perspective. I believe men cheat just out of not only the conquest but for the thrill basic risk taking. All men have the ability to cheat. This is as old as time. Men have had harems and in the middle east that is the reason women are covered almost from head to toe to resist the temptation. Even with Adam and Eve a man could not resist the temptation to do something he knew was wrong because of a woman. Also it is easier for a man to be able to cheat and not involve his feelings where as a woman is give up a part of herserlf that she only shares with a person she has feelings for. This subject has been an issue for years I would figure over 50% of men cheat on their wives they just haven’t been caught and if they have it is because they did start to get their feelings involved in the situation. The older generations just dealt with it i.e. “He’s just being a man.” or “He knows where home is.” and “I don’t care what he does as long as he comes home with the check.” There really is no way to stop it until they start making male chasity belts (LOL) men are kept on a leash (LMAO) or they really decide there is nothing better out there. Because there is always going to be a woman out there that will see that ring and go he must be a good man somebody wants him let me see if he will do that for me (temptation). “I thinkt he bible teachs abstinence before getting married because it cuts down on the temptation. You don’t know the difference in good sex and bad sex if you’ve only been with one person.” So I guess it’s too late 4 me LOL. 🙂 Ladies and gentlemen, if you want to keep your mate keep them stimulated mentally as well as sexually the two go hand in hand if you are mentally stimulated by the person you are with it will make the physical part that much better and don’t be scared to try new things. The day they get bored is the day they start to seek that thrill again.

    • ibedubl   On   December 17, 2009 at 10:53 pm

      Well put. Thanks for chimin’ in Romaine. This is a serious issue for a lot of people. The more perspectives the better. I look forward to more input from you in the future. Welcome to UML!

  4. jianakisweetness   On   December 17, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    so, does this mean all men (who have any level of drive or ambition) will cheat? interesting perspective…i always appreciate the depth of thought and reflection, ibedubl. i think it is important for us (men and women) to re-prioritize our “list” and think about what it REALLY means to have a man who desires power and money for what comes with it…it MIGHT mean there will be an absence of spiritual depth, emotional intelligence and commitment to child-rearing. i look forward to your perspective.

    • ibedubl   On   December 17, 2009 at 11:05 pm

      I expected to hear from you on this 🙂 My perspective reflects the fact that all men, successful, and not, have a certain level of ambition….especially when it comes to women. Keep in mind, even men that aren’t highly successful(career, educated, accomplished) feel better if they can “get ” a woman. And it is, therefore, the most rehearsed, most common, and most socially enforced stereotype associated with manhood. I’m not saying that a man can’t build a bond with a woman that will keep him from going astray. I’m simply saying that most bonds don’t begin with an understanding of this….whether it’s the one I’ve provided….or someone else’s. Every man does not gauge himself, or his success on the level of spiritual depth, emotional intelligence, or overall balance of self. But every man does gauge himself on his ability to get a woman, and feels good about doing it. The commitment to child rearing does not have to be reflected through monogamy. Traditional Mormon families used child rearing as a justification for polygamy as it provided the man with a greater opportunity to build the “kingdom”.

  5. TrueMan   On   December 17, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    I’ll let the cat out of the bag. Men cheat because of the need to hunt and chase. It hasn’t changed since the days of old when we hunted for food or when gladiators fought to the death.

    We need the chase…the infidelity is just the icing on the cake.

  6. Sonny Coltrane   On   December 17, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    i must say, that you started losing me with the swagg talk in the first 3 paragraphs, but you got awfully dead on in the the 4th, 5th and 6th paragraphs… that was some good shit! and very true!

    i blogged on this a few weeks ago, check out my article; “The Neverending Story”

    • ibedubl   On   December 17, 2009 at 11:10 pm

      The swagg reference was just a way to emphasize every young man’s journey to perfect his ability to attract, and get a woman’s attention….and other things. Stick with me and I’ll always take you where I’m trynna go. Thanks for the comment.

  7. Kendalynn   On   December 17, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    Don’t agree….I think it is a typical lame attempt to try and rationalize and justify something that men know is wrong. We all have a conscious and we all know right from wrong. Just because you say that 300,000,000 billion years ago cave men (apes) did it, then it is “natural”. I don’t buy it. There are many men who don’t cheat and us women don’t sit around and talk about them being “gay” because they don’t act like little bitty boys….you got this one wrong. Sorry to bust the bubble but immature men cheat but grown adult minded men don’t…there focus is on the family and not Chasing Amy. Tiger Woods has a insecurity complex (ID complex) so that does not count. He doesn’t even think he is Black….so you know he has issues. Money can not change who you are on the inside. An insecure man without money is still an insecure man, just has more money to play with to try and make him feel more secure….but then it doesn’t work…so he keeps chasing thinking someone can make him feel secure…when he never gets it. HE needs to make himself feel secure….has to grow up and be a M.A.N!

    • ibedubl   On   December 17, 2009 at 11:26 pm

      I imagine if you talk to a range of women, you will find an equal range in their definition of what a man is….either way, it doesn’t make them right or wrong. It’s just their preference. I make no attempts to justify infidelity on behalf of anyone, but conscience or not, both men and women are cheating on the regular. A man’s journey to feeling secure is just as varied as a woman’s. Some find satisfaction and security in leading a simple life and being stable, while others find it in chasing dreams and living life on the edge. Neither is wrong, but both will seek to fulfill their needs. Tiger Woods may have many complexes, but he also has tremendous focus, an incredibly competitive spirit, and the ability to satisfy his need for success in certain arenas. If your definition of a man is one that doesn’t have insecurities, my guess is your looking at a % of the population so small, that a ton of women would have to go without. That doesn’t set well with anybody….even those that take vows of chastity! The real truth of the matter is that it happens….and it happens for a reason. You don’t ave to accept my reason, but if you have a successful relationship, I’m betting the two of you either have a spoken understanding that allows you to address whatever may happen in your relationship, or you don’t address it at all and assume it’s not happening to you. My personal perspective is that two people in a relationship should make every effort to understand each other’s perspective for the purpose of creating and maintaining harmony. Telling a man he’s not a man because he finds pleasure in the conquest of women other than yourself may not go over well…..telling him that if he DOES it, it would make you feel less loved may be more productive. Keeping an line of communication about what either of you is feeling will make it even more productive.

      • Kendalynn   On   December 18, 2009 at 10:09 pm

        I guess I do need to clarify myself more. A “man” who cheats on his significant other and DOES NOT tell them about it or hides and lies about it is in my definition an insecure person. (Point Blank) if the “man” was secure with his person, then he would be honest with his significant other (male or female). There is definately a difference. Your article sets a tone, in which, it sounds as if you are describing the former…a man who cheats but is keeping people in the dark about his infidelities. Now, if you are refering to a man who CHEATS and is honest with his significant others about it, then you are right…he is not an insecure person he is the opposite…someone who is in touch with himself enough to know that he does not have the right to make choices for another person. That other person consented to be in a relationship (married or not) and if the definitions of the relationship were that it was sexually monogamous relationship and if the dynamics of the relationship change then a “secure” person (i.e. someone who is in touch with his emotions, feelings and self) would be honest with the other because he/she feels secure enough in the relationship that they other person would still voluntarily consent to continue in a relationship with them. The particulars to be worked out between the two. However, when you have someone who is not honest, that shows their character. And sorry again, but just my opinion, MONEY, and FAME and BUSINESS SUCCESS do not define character. Although one may be very financialy successful and may have excelled in their area of expertise, that by no way is a sign that the person is “better” or more in touch with themselves in an emotional way to treat people with the respect that they would like to be treated. In fact, often times it is the exact opposite. Many highly sucessful people are known to have psychological disorders…for example….Micahel Jackson. probably one of the most black successful men and well known man ever. He liked children….and Tiger likes women….still the same thing just different preference. So yes Tiger has more money than most men, yes Tiger is focused, yes Tiger is famous, but that by NO means makes Tiger, per se a “emotionally secure” person. If he were, then I don’t think he would be finding his marriage and family in shambles right now. Perhaps had to told his wife, they may have been able to work it out…she may have stayed. But after the 40th woman coming out of to the media….she acted like most women would …she split. I guess the point that I am trying to make is that ….don’t call a Playa a Playa when they really are not! A playa “cheats” and is honest….has no reason to be dishonest. He knows the limits and abides accordingly. If his significant other would say leave him if she found out, and he knows that and he does not want that to happen, then he doesn’t cheat. If he has the confidence that she is not going anywhere, then he is honest. To me that is a cheater. The other is chidish deception, and not a game that adults play. That is where our confusion comes in. Someone who cheats and then hides, covers it up, manipulates and is insecure with his words, is not CHEATING, he is just immature and insecure, like a boy. Sorry if I have offended anyone but I have known men who are honest about their cheating and the women are ok with it. So for me, my definition of cheating is different. Is the adult cheating or the kiddie cheating. Clarify please……..

  8. ibedubl   On   December 17, 2009 at 11:28 pm

    Finally the MOGULS have awakened!! This type of feedback is exactly what makes the sharing of perspectives worth while. UML thanks you all. Maybe we can find a woman brave enough to tackle “Why Women Cheat”:)

  9. jianakisweetness   On   December 18, 2009 at 6:24 am

    a Mormon reference is interesting…. i will say that there is a difference between polygamy (having multiple WIVES!!) and being deceitful and having one or more affairs outside a relationship. when all adult parties agree to the parameters of a relationship, although i may not personally agree, i call that “grown folks’ business” and stay out. however, i don’t know if your response quite answered my question. i’m still curious…maybe i’ll rephrase and ask, “what keeps a man from cheating?” hmmm, as i see it written i really like that question. we are always examining problems with Hubble-like scrutiny, now that we’ve entertained that idea: why does a man choose to remain faithful?

    • ibedubl   On   December 18, 2009 at 9:37 am

      Asking the right question is always most productive…..but that’s a different article altogether…now isn’t it 🙂 The Mormon reference was to say that a commitment between two people to raise children is not necessarily synonymous with monogamous.

    • Kendalynn   On   December 18, 2009 at 10:23 pm

      Well I just responded above along then same lines of what you mention. They reason polygamy works is because it is honest and straight forward. The deceptive aspect is just not there. There is no need to feed ones ego through hurting or manipulating people. It is a more mature way of feeling and being. Muslums also are like that. They can have more than one wife, but they must get the consent of the first wife. if she is ok with it, then the man can marry others. If she is not ok…he is not suppose to marry others. So that is why some muslems only have one wife wihile others have more. If their plans are to have more than one, they don’t marry the first one because they know she would not consent to it. That is why they don’t like to marry Americans or Christians because they know most American women would not agree so they just stick with their own….someone who understands. Anyway, what keeps a man from cheating is 1) you must have an emotionally secure man & woman, 2) there must be honest communications, and 3) there must be real genuine love. With those three, you have a better chance of no cheating because it starts out on the right foot. Everyone knowns the limits and respects the other. Then what you will find is that if the partner wants to deviate, they will respect the person enough to leave (divorce) or seperate or whatever BEFORE they cheat. That way you are not at risk and they don’t make decisions for you. They allow you to be you and make your own choices. Which is the BEST way….:)

      • ibedubl   On   December 26, 2009 at 6:43 pm

        Kendalynn, you’re the type of reader that I’m glad to see taking part in these discussions. Your feedback is very personal, and you clearly have very strong opinions. I cant wait to see what you think of the new piece, “What Makes A Man Choose to Remain Faithful”, inspired by your cheerleader 🙂 JinakiSweetness!

  10. asdf   On   December 18, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    Well, this would be a subject have experienced from all four corners.
    I have cheated with married women, knowingly and unkowingly
    I have been cheated on, and I have cheated.
    I do not believe there is a simple “one” answer to this very vague question.
    The answer, obviously is only known to the persons involved.
    There are those that can’t or won’t.
    Those that might and will if given the opportunity.
    Those that do and continue to do so.
    Some will be caught, others go unnoticed.
    It is a gamble and it is never a good thing when the house wins. Meaning you just got caught.
    I have met guys out of jail on work release. Working as a temp. No porfolio or stock options. Who are just as easily tempted as someone who does.
    But, when you enter marriage and the involvement of children. I don’t think men who play are being honest to themselves. Putting serious thought into the consequences involved. Not to mention the risks involved. It is simply a dirty question, with a dirty answer.
    My current reason for cheating. I tried the communication thing. I got the door shut in my face.
    Her response was, ” If that is what you need, go ahead. get it elsewhere. ”
    That is just an open invitation. Which makes it consential.

    • ibedubl   On   December 26, 2009 at 6:38 pm

      Thanks for the feedback asdf. Good honest input is hard to come by. Keep hittin’ us up with that valuable perspective. Peace.

  11. yungmogul   On   December 22, 2009 at 12:51 am

    Wow,…,,..,,…. realest shit i ever read man, i could never break it down like that, but that is how i have felt since i started filling my swag bag, and from experience, i have had dimes that do everything right, with small minor flaws, that could be overlooked, and lost just that because of my hunger to persue and conquer all and win. catch 22!!!!

    • ibedubl   On   December 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm

      Thanks for sharing YungMogul. I’ve tried to impress upon our female readers that this is just my perception of what happens. But having you concur should give it some validity. The catch 22 you speak of is a place we’ve all been….but everything in time, and al things for a reason. Thanks for the feedback!

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