by Allen Thompson
Yes, the term “bachelor pad” may be a little dated, but the concept is still the same. You’re a single guy. You live by yourself, or maybe you have roommates. No matter. The place where you stay is your bachelor pad and eventually, if you’re lucky, a woman or two or twelve will be coming by to check it out.
The most important things to keep in mind when designing your bachelor pad are:
Whether your pad passes the lady’s “test” or not could be the difference between heart-pounding success and mind-numbing failure. Of course, certain things are obvious and go without saying – such as your place should be clean, neat, and smell-free (or preferably smell good). However, keep in mind that it should look “lived in” and not like you just spent six hours cleaning it before she came over. You want her to be “impressed” but also comfortable.
However, the main thing to remember is that when this beautiful lady enters your place, she’s looking to make an assessment of your personality, to find out what kind of person you Really are, and trying to decide whether or not the two of you might be compatible (either short-term or long-term depending on her goals).
The following list, while by no means complete, consists of some of the “essentials” of a dynamic bachelor pad. You may not want or need everything listed here, but try to incorporate as many of the following as possible into your current place… especially before bringing the girl of your dreams over. Some do require you to spend a few bucks. But you should find it to be a good investment… especially if you’re following the other love tactics discussed at The Don Juan Center.
Entertainment – Your bachelor pad should be entertaining. By “entertaining” I mean that this is a place where you two will be spending some time (hopefully) so you need, at minimum, a decent TV, stereo, and DVD. You should also have some games available – maybe a deck of cards, a backgammon board, and some other board games you like to play. Conversation is great, but nobody wants to talk all the time. You should have interesting things to DO.
Couch – Large, soft, and comfortable. Your couch is the focal point of your living room. It’s the place where you and she will get to know one another, where you two will drink wine and listen to music, where you two can kick back and watch TV, and most likely where you’ll make your first “move.” Be sure to keep it spotless… which can be tough if that’s where you prefer to eat. And please, no love seats. If she has to choose between being cramped with you in a love seat or relaxing in a nice comfortable chair across the room, she just might choose the chair.
Coffee Table – Have an interesting book or two and some magazines lying across it – things that she can browse through while waiting. Books should have great titles or interesting pictures. The magazines you choose to display will help to reveal your personality and solidify the “impression” you’re trying to make. So choose them wisely.
Live Plants – Note the key word: LIVE. Not plastic and not dying. Several scattered throughout your apartment. Most guys don’t want to deal with the responsibility of plants… but they are essential for adding COLOR and ATMOSPHERE to your place while setting yourself apart from those irresponsible types. Boys don’t own plants. Men do. And if you don’t have a green thumb don’t worry. Simply go to the nursery and ask the guy working there for something that’s “hard to kill.”
Framed Photos – Maybe in a bookcase or on a table. She will gravitate toward these… looking for clues as to what you value, who you are, and where you’ve been. Pictures of family members, friends, trips you’ve taken, and pets are good. Old girlfriends and Ms. July are not.
Framed Art – On the wall in the living room, bedroom, and maybe even the dining room and bathroom depending on how big your place is. Cheap posters are not allowed. Ideally this art will have a SUBTLE sexual aspect to it… to create the right mood. This is your “bachelor” pad after all. Pick out something that you not only like but that also says “a suave, worldly gentleman lives here.”
Music – Music should be easily available in most every part of the house or apartment. If you have an impressive CD collection, this should be displayed prominently in a nice CD rack. She’ll enjoy browsing through these. Having a VARIETY of music is a plus as it indicates you are both worldly and complex. And make sure you have some smooth jazz for those romantic, candlelit dinners. You might also want to compile a special cassette of soft romantic dinner music.
Atmosphere Lighting – Your living room light (and ideally dining room and bedroom too) should dim to help create a soft and sexy atmosphere. And when you turn the light on, make sure not to turn it on “full blast.” Nothing kills a romantic mood like bright light shining in your eyes.
Bathroom – If she’s in your apartment for more than ten minutes, she WILL go to your bathroom… and check it out. (If she doesn’t go to your bathroom, then you just might have yourself one of them there transvestites on your hands. Proceed with caution.) Needless to say, the bathtub, shower, toilet, and sink should be spotless. You might also add one of those cleaning balls to your toilet to make the water colorful. That’s always a nice touch. You may also want to add some type of scent to your bathroom by placing a couple of “stick up” type things in out of sight locations.
Big Fluffy Towels – She’ll be repulsed by those small, thin towels with all the carefully crafted holes that you’ve been using for the last 14 years. BIG and FLUFFY will get her purring as she starts imagining herself draped in them… after a hot relaxing shower… with you. And dark blues or dark greens tend to convey more of a “manly” impression.
Extra Toilet Paper – In plain view… so she doesn’t have to go rummaging through your cabinets. But it shouldn’t just be sitting there. The extra roll should be set up as almost a decoration in the bathroom… maybe in a little basket with some other interesting things.
Around The Sink – Most guys keep every type of personal item that they’ve used since the last time they moved piled messily around the bathroom sink. Needless to say this is not good. Most of your stuff should be kept in the bathroom cabinets out of sight. You’ll want to place only a few select things around your sink. And you choose these carefully in order to convey the proper impression. A couple different types of cologne (expensive not cheap), aftershave lotion, liquid hand soap, box of tissues, a nice toothbrush holder (with a new-looking toothbrush), expensive hair gel, and a couple other things of your choosing should do the trick.
Shower Curtain – A shower curtain can make or break a bathroom as most bathrooms are pretty small. Spending a few bucks here would be a great investment.
Tissues – Boxes of these in the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and everywhere else. Women love tissues. And if she decides she wants one, and happens to find a box nearby, she’ll be mighty impressed.
Extra New Toothbrush – In case things go well and she decides to spend the night. A nice extra touch that is sure to impress her the next morning. However, you might want to fall a little short of hinting that she use it.
Prestigious Shampoo and Conditioner – Even though you prefer rubbing your head with a bar of Dial, don’t let her know that. Make her think you actually care about yourself and treat yourself well. Have a nice bottle of shampoo and conditioner prominently displayed in the shower. (Paul Mitchell is great.) As with all personal products, the idea is to create the impression that you actually care about and respect yourself. Cheap personal products, even if you prefer them and think they’re better, will create the exact opposite impression.
A Man’s Bed – Queen is probably the best size. Big enough for two, but not so big that it looks odd in a single guy’s place. And make sure that you have the bed on a nice frame. An old mattress in the corner may have been fine when you were a college freshman, but you’re a MAN now. And real men sleep in real beds, preferably with real women beside them.
Big Fluffy Pillows – Again, women like big and fluffy. If you can’t sleep with big and fluffy, have a different one that you use when sleeping alone.
Cool Sheets and Comforter – When she walks by your bedroom door, she’s going to look in and check out the bed. Whether or not she can VISUALIZE herself sleeping there is of the utmost importance… unless, of course, you’re satisfied with just being friends. Your sheets and comforter should be attractive, comfortable-looking, and INTERESTING. Plain, boring, and dull has no place in your bedroom. Do you really think she wants to sleep with a guy who’s plain, boring, or dull? Again dark colors convey that “manly” impression that you want to make.
Condoms – Keep a variety of kinds in your nightstand or dresser near the bed. Always be prepared. You might actually one day somehow someway manage to get lucky. Yeeehaaa!
Wine – You should have at least one good bottle of wine available… to drink with dinner, after dinner, or just because. Good doesn’t necessarily mean expensive. You can get a great bottle of wine for $10 or so (such as Napa Ridge Pinot Noir or Chardonnay). Wine glasses, though not required, would really frame you as a man of taste. Ask advice from the guy at the wine store if it’s not your area of expertise. Or better yet, buy a book and become an expert.
Beer – If your potential squeeze likes beer. And not just any beer. You can drink that cheap crap when you’re by yourself or watching the game with your buddies, but when she’s over you need something different. It should taste great and ideally be something she’s never had before… to set yourself apart from all the ordinary guys. (Rolling Rock is great and fairly inexpensive in the USA.)
Non-Alcoholic Beverages – A variety of beverages including orange juice, soda, milk, tea, and bottled water. Variety is the key so you’re sure you’ve got something she might like.
Ice Cream – And not the Food Lion brand either. Dove Bars, Haagen Daaz, or some other delicious, expensive treat will really “warm” her up.
And last but certainly not least…
A Vacuum Cleaner – Buy one and learn to use it. Most guys NEVER vacuum. If your lady has a sensitive nose she’ll be able to sense this as soon as she enters. This can be an especially bad problem when pets are involved.
So there you have it. The essentials of a swingin’ bachelor pad. We could, of course, add a number of other things. But if you focus on those things listed above, not only will you pass her test, but she may not leave for days!
The Chairman of the Board * Spanish Jose taught him how to get the money cats owed him * He also loves to write, create fly tshirts, and smoke cigars * When he is not in the UML office he can be seen being Cool @ ClassiclyCool.Tumblr.com *