The Things I and Millions of Other Men Care About

Written by on January 12, 2015


You know what is funny? No matter how nonchalant some men may act about life, we really have a fair amount of things we truly care about. Of course any man worth his salt cares about family, health and all around well-being. But in addition to that there are a few more things that the average man cares about. When I say care, I am talking about that if something goes wrong with these items, the average man will lose his cool and get into his chest. Real shit.

  • Our Sports Teams – Men will lose their cool when it comes to their favorite sports team. In victory or defeat men let their emotions rain like a Drake song. I am a Green Bay Packer fan until the day I push up weeds, so I live and breathe Green and Gold. This ain’t a joke! In 20 some odd years I have probably missed a handful of games. In fact I will reschedule my death if it happens to fall on gameday. So needless to say I have time invested likeamugg. When we lose, the day after is shot to hell. But when we win, it feels as if God himself is smiling sun-shine from heaven. There have been games where the Packers have lost and I was curled up in a ball left to cry myself asleep. Not a good look.

The sickest I have ever been was the 2007 NFC Championship game where Brett Favre threw the interception in overtime. I still can hear myself crying “Brett……. Nooooooooooooooo!” A cat I was with became so outraged that he literally pushed 3 pitchers of beer off the table and screamed “I will kick whoever’s ass who tells me to wipe it up!” Sorrow Moguls, straight sorrow.

  • Our Music – We care about music. Even if we don’t have 1tb of 80’s songs saved away, we still care about it. Every man has a song that when it comes on, it takes them back to a place in time. Some tunes leave you bobbing your head with thoughts of being back on the yard in college. While other tracks will have you looking to the sky for the answers to questions that were never solved. I’ve seen dudes sing When Doves Cry at karaoke and all that was missing was Wendy, Lisa, and a purple motorcycle. You couldn’t tell them they weren’t Prince.
  • Our Automobile – Dudes have names for their cars like the “Millennium Falcon”, Pearl, or Sour Bumper. We pride ourselves on having the cleanest car this side of the Mason-Dixon line. If there is a speck of dirt on the door, we will spot it a mile up in the air while riding in a hot air balloon during a thick fog. We love our cars.
  • Our Crew – Most dudes have friends that go back years. If they ain’t been down since high-school, the block, or college you won’t see us with them. Why, because we need cats down with the program that we can trust in case some shit jumps off. In the heat of kicking it, we don’t have time to worry about if G-Money gone snap pictures of the stripper that is running her ass across Runny Moe’s chest. (You see how I used street names) No time. Let something happen to one of the “crew” even if you haven’t spoken to old boy in years, you will assemble quicker than Voltron ready to whip ass and hide bodies.
  • Our Kicks – It doesn’t matter if it is dress shoes, Air Jordans, or Timberland boots, most men give a damn about their shoe game. There was a time when I had a toothbrush and cleaner sitting next to the bed for when I kicked off my Nikes I could give them a quick run over to remove any residual dirt I brought home. I am also the type who would let the weather determine what pair of kicks I would sport that day. If the sun was shining bright at high noon and I didn’t anticipate walking on grass that day, only a pair of clear bottom Jordans would do. If it looked to be a little overcast, with a chance of a cool breeze, let me break out the all-black Air Force 1’s. See how easy that was, straight scientific methods.

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