Man it can be hard out here for Mogul as he navigates through his sweet spot in search of the ultimate mate to help smooth things out. As we encounter different females, we soon realize that the same things that turned us on in our teens may do different things to us in our 30’s. For example, growing up I used to love the bushy bush on my lady friend. Now in 2014, the most I can stand is a perfectly manicured strip. Seasons change!
“I want a girl with extensions in her hair/ bamboo ear rings at least 2 pair!”
Now, as I have matured, my palate for women has matured also. I once loved beef jerky, now I want filet mignon. Twinkies used to be a delicacy created in God’s kitchen, now I want better than sex cake, that is actually….. better than sex. I have come to understand that when it comes to women certain things I can tolerate, and certain things are non-negotiable.
1. Get Yourself A Lady Who Can Cook!! Now I am not the dude that views women through stereotypical goggles, but I do feel that a woman who knows her way around the kitchen is a woman to keep. If she fills her stomach with the McDonald’s drive-thru special, she will do the same to you. Or worse, she will expect you to stop after work and waste your money on that trash. Next thing you know you’re sittin on the couch huddled up sharing a 10 pound burger with milkshake stains on your shirt.
2. Don’t Date The Chick Who Never Pays! I think the homie’s name was K-Dee who said….. Ass, Gas, or Cash, nobody rides for free. Damnit… that should be set in stone and hidden on the top of the Himalayas for the playas to find. I can’t tell you how many women I have dated who never pulled out their card to pay for shit. I couldn’t care if I had more 0’s than Hova when I roll up and my date worked as a cashier at Burger King, at some point she needs to pay. Even if it’s once out of every ten dates and all we do is grab a 2 liter of grape soda, a bucket of chicken and head to a park bench; she needs to pay for that joint. Some type of ratio has to be established. Not only is it fair, but it shows that the lady is appreciative. Little things mean a lot.
3. Don’t Date The Chick Who Has Nothing But Time On Her Hands! I am a grown ass man you dig? I don’t have time to be pancaking on the phone all hours of the night. Some women have nothing to do with their evenings than talk on the phone, which translates to “what are you doing? Who are you doing it with?” I have the mindset of ‘the only time we should be on the phone is to set up the next date’. I realize that at times a good phone call can be relaxing at the end of a stressful work day, but damn not every night. This is not high-school. We’re grown people doing grown things. The hours I spend on the phone whispering sweet nothings, are hours that I will never get back. And let you fool around and end a conversation with “I’ll call you back.” If you don’t hit them back that night, you will hear about it. Makes me ask, ‘were you really sitting by the phone waiting for me to call back?’ Time is money. Politely tell her to get a telemarketing job if she loves phone calls that much.
4. Don’t Date The ‘Slick Mouth Piece’ Girl– The shit may seem cute at first; the two of you going toe to toe exchanging barbs. Hell, it can even be sexy in the middle of the night. But at some point it gets stale. Next thing you know that cute little slick mouth is on exhibit at Sunday dinner with your family, or after she gets a few drinks in her she begins to “put you in your place” during happy hour. And you don’t want to have to slam the last shot and drag her out of Cheers ( not only will it land you some time in jail, usually slick mouth girls have a little brother that is waiting to wet you up!) Avoid those ladies at all cost. They are nothing more than a ‘get drunk with buddy’.
The Chairman of the Board * Spanish Jose taught him how to get the money cats owed him * He also loves to write, create fly tshirts, and smoke cigars * When he is not in the UML office he can be seen being Cool @ ClassiclyCool.Tumblr.com *