How To Make A Black Family Movie

Written by on December 21, 2011

My girlfriend is a sucker for holiday movies. Every season she pops in the same dvd’s or watches the same Lifetime movies as she did the day before. I wouldn’t be surprised if she could provide the captions to some of the flicks. The other night she popped in the movie “This Christmas” with Chris Brown and them. While she sat there with her holiday mood in full swing, I kind of laughed to myself about how predictable the movie was. Not saying it was a bad movie, it actually hit the spot. But it reminded me of countless other Black movies made after Love Jones.

  1. Get A Rapper/Singer To Star In The Movie What better way to get the audience to come see the movie? Get the latest, hottest, greatest rapper/singer to lend their non-acting talents to the movie. Preferably a rapper/singer that has or is having legal problems. It will guarantee at least a $20 million opening weekend. The young ladies will swoon, and since the ladies is swooning the dudes will follow.
  2. Do The Soul Train Line While A Song From The Early 80’s Play In The Background I swear if I have seen one soul train line, I have seen a thousand. Is that the only way we know how to move? From wedding receptions, picnics, and Christmas specials, somewhere in the first hour you are guaranteed to see a family doing the soul train line. 9 times out 10 they are dancing to Zapp or the Gap Band!
  3. Have 2 Family Members With A Long Lasting Beef I have spent a many Christmas breaks with my family, and I have yet to see a fight. Yet in just about every black family movie you will see a fight. Either between 2 brothers fighting to get their dad’s respect, or 2 sisters who are jealous of each other. And the funny thing is after years of beef, the two family members usually make up before the end of the movie. Years of beef, resolved in 90 minutes!! Now that is family power.
  4. Get Mekhi Phifer To Star In It It seems as if Mekhi has been in every Black family movie that was ever made!In fact a movie ain’t a movie until Mekhi shows up. Even if he just walks thru the set and says “I’m here y’all!”, Mekhi is here. And don’t get me wrong I am down with him, Clockers and Paid In Full are two of my favorite movies, but if I never see him show up at another family reuion I will be happy.
  5. Interracial-Couple Anyone that knows Danny P, knows that I am cool with interracial loving. Black, white, red, tan, buttermilk, green, it doesn’t matter I love them all. But it kind of becomes predictable when every family movie has that one interracial couple that they  joke about. Not funny and very tired. Would it be as funny if Jennifer Aniston showed up with her Djimon Hounsou and her family started making Shaka Zulu, and watermelon jokes?

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