Mogul Perspective – What Makes Men NOT Cheat??

A few weeks back, I decided to tackle the question of “Why Do Men Cheat?”. It was something that seemed appropriate. In light of the whole Tiger Woods issue, and the fact that it seems to always be a hot topic, I figured I might as well put my version out there. After all, my opinion’s as valid as anybody else’s. But I must admit, I do believe that the more important question for any self-respecting She-Mogul should be….” What Makes A Man NOT Cheat?”.

This is a question that was raised by one of our most faithful She-Moguls (JinakiSweetness), and I mentioned in the comments that it would be addressed in a later post. So….here goes:

Let me start by saying I don’t know many men or women in relationships, married or not, who are satisfied in their relationships. All of the friends I have in my age range (33-38) who were married, either no longer are, or are unhappy.  They show no signs of loving nature, deep-rooted connectedness, common growth, or even genuine friendship. If this is your situation, cheating almost seems like a logical decision. I believe the root of fidelity is a balanced connection that feeds all aspects of a Man’s being. This process has to begin with a man who knows himself well, and is willing to be completely honest with himself. Identifying these men will require most women to completely alter their “selection process”. Women have trained themselves to seek a man that meets societal standards, instead of a man that knows himself, what he has to offer, and is willing and able to balance out her own REAL needs; and men have learned to portray that.

A man that truly knows himself, and is willing to be honest with himself about everything, will then begin looking for a woman who can accept him as he is, and give him what he needs. These are important things because they foster mutual acceptance and provide a basis for REAL friendship within the relationship. If the woman “at home” is not his friend, he will go find one who will pretend to be. My suggestion to all men is to find someone that is happy with you just the way you are; if you get better from that point on, it will only be icing on the cake. The man has to be strong enough and open enough to allow himself to truly be seen for his strengths, as well as his flaws. Think about it, if the person you are is different than the person you originally presented to your mate, no matter how long the relationship lasts, you will have created an difficult obstacle that must be overcome at some point….unless lifelong charades is okay with you. Once a man has the basis for a true friendship with his woman, it opens up communication. This will make the man more comfortable sharing his true feelings, desires, and even fears;  and in-turn satisfy the woman’s need for the “intimate conversation”. Without this, it usually results in a woman feeling closed off and pulling at her man to find an “in”.

Having a foundation in friendship allows for mutual growth in a relationship. This is extremely important. If two people are going to be together, they have to have enough exchange between them to allow them to grow together. Because if they don’t grow together….they will grow apart. This can be a particular problem for the very ambitious and upwardly mobile man.

A man needs to be able to experience conquest within the context of his relationship. Then he won’t have to look for it outside of the relationship. Even career, social, and personal conquests should become facets of the relationship he has with his woman. The best way for this to happen is if he has a woman that identifies these conquests as real needs, and she supports him in them. He will then share the spoils of the conquests and celebrate with his woman. Understand that these victories will build the man. They will be turn-on’s for the man, and having a woman that wants to share in that….is critical.

Sex is important to men and women alike. Sex becomes even more important if you’re in a relationship that expects that you will have only one partner! That means that if a man is NOT going to cheat, he must have a woman that is sexually compatible….period. A sexual relationship is just that, a relationship. It has to be open, nurtured, have room for mutual growth, and must serve the needs of both parties. There is no way a man will be content with one sexual partner if she does not share, or is willing and able to take part in his current, and future sexual fantasies. As a matter of fact, the two people in that sexual relationship should seek to become each other’s sexual fantasies. The sexual relationship should (or at least appear to) have infinite possibilities. This is the man’s responsibility, as well as the woman he’s with. It’s also another reason for the man to be honest about who he is, and what he needs. If a man desires a woman that will “do the kinky DO”, then he better say so. And if you have a man, and always find yourself telling him what  you won’t do….again, cheating seems like the logical choice….eventually.

Lastly, in order for a man to honor a commitment of fidelity, he must see real value in his woman. He must believe that she makes him better and losing her is not an option. He must feel that she, as a part of that relationship, is a part of himself. He must allow himself to need her before the many opportunities to cheat seem to pale in comparison to what he has. That faithful man must love to love his woman. The irony in this is, if your man feels this way and exhibits this behavior, he will draw more women to himself than bees to honey. Other women will smell it….and come runnin’ to challenge his commitment.

All of these things can be found in healthier, more meaningful relationships. Relationships that men and women alike often fail to seek.

Enjoy,

Ibedubl